Recently made some more A4 work for EBay but all at slightly higher prices than last year. Winter seems to be the best time of the year to sell stuff and I do need to pay the bills and so on.... unfortunately despite having superior collage powers I am still affected by external real life factors. So feel free to click on the images or their titles in order to go to my ebay listings.
It's slightly annoying that real life is something that I am actually concerned with. Not just the financial things but how much value I should put into all the different aspects of life other people find important. Travel, love, friends, career and so on. I just haven't reached any big conclusions on any of these things. What's worse is being stuck inside this body, governed by the chemical impulses that makes me want all the above.
But then I'm making assumptions that I'm actually stuck inside a body. Would I exist without this body or this mind? I'm unsure if that's an existential, biological or physical question. The only person I'm asking is myself. I never get answers from him. Though he does tell good jokes sometimes. People seems to like him. Some people.
He's a nice boy but when it comes to conclusions he never really reaches any. Far too agreeable. Too willing to side with the opposition. A fence sitter. But then he never really puts much thought into anything either. He sort of exists in a dream like state intuitively making decisions. Some of them really stupid decisions, some of them remarkably clever... or perhaps just lucky.
He sometimes wishes he was more awake. That he had more logic in his decision making processes. That he could see the whirring computations in his intuition. But alas it is not to be. He is living in a zombie like state, completely confusion over most of his actions. But also making excuses for all of them.
This tends to be the way he makes all his artwork. His hands operate the scissors, pens, paints and pritt sticks but he doesn't really put much thought into what he's doing. Although his art is not randomly generated. There is some decision making process going on. It just doesn't belong to him. They aren't his decisions.
So then what purpose does he serve in his own creative process? Is he a vector? A carrier of the shapes patterns and inspirations of a separate and smarter entity hung up in the air above his head? He would probably love that concept. The idea of being possessed by creativity. It appeals to his slightly narcissistic qualities, all his flash jackets and patterned trousers.
But then this is obviously me we are still talking about. I'm writing about me but in the 3rd person. How very clever of me. Whether you found it funny or interesting enough is beside the point. It amused me. Though again it's something I didn't plan, it happened entirely out of nowhere.
I've been working in abstract patterns for so long it's scrambled my innards. My subconscious mind is made up mostly with abstract shapes and patterns. Most of my dreams take the form of abstract animations. I'm all scrambled up mentally into shapes and colours. I still live a normal life. I can still walk across a room and talk to people. I also know how to pick up objects.
I am beginning to suspect that I have some kind of vitamin deficiency. That I really need to eat more spinach. I just ordered a years supply of zinc. Hopefully with enough zinc I'll be able to think even better than I do now. And I'll be able to make some artwork that actually makes sense.
But then perhaps I should be grateful. I explained my worries to a friend recently and she told me that I'm ''possessed by art'' and a lot of people would love to be in my position and to have that kind of commitment to any project. Perhaps I should see myself as lucky. I have inexhaustible collage materials, a mind controlling entity, a nice malleable brain and an awful lot of spare time on my hands. Time to get cutting and sticking. I don't mind being the organic cog in my own creative process.
Though I am still looking forward to eating my years supply of zinc.
