15 - 16th
Sometimes these pages look better on photograph than they do in real life. In the instance of this particular blog entry then this is the case. The situation is very much damaged. My hands have a very ambivalent approach to the creation of art in these pages. My hands have an ambivalence in their approach to anything at the moment. The word ambivalent never means ambivalent. Ambivalence isn't ever used correctly. When people use the word ambivalent then they are rarely ambivalent. They are often passive aggressively stating that they are ambivalent in order to cause some kind of hurt or to cover the fact that they care but are unable to engage with that caring. I have decided this so for the purpose of this narrative it must be true. I wonder if there is a self aware/ironic emoticon that I could start to make use of.
17th - 19th
The first weekend in a long time that I've spent indoors by myself (for the most part). Managed to attain a new pattern contract and also pop out for a potentially traumatic adventure on Sunday morning. Thankfully it wasn't traumatic. I am hoping for more sunny weekends indoors away from socialization rotations.
20th - 21st
This is interesting... and might explain why boastful creative statements need to be shielded with some form of irony and/or self awareness... (insert self aware and/or ironic protection here)
I'm wondering if perhaps many of us are afflicted with some sort of "self aware" and "ironic" conditioning that is endemic of our culture at this point in time, irony is even fashionable these days. Every time I write something that could be even vaguely boastful or pleased with myself I feel the need to protect myself from the enforcement of the law of Jante... and it's not being enforced by any of you but it's being enforced by myself. Which sounds crazy. Like part of my brain is conditioned to enforce this law onto me. Therefore my own pride and ego is caged in by myself. Is this in order to protect the world and to protect myself from the resulting delusions and disappointments of having an unleashed ego? Or is this mechanism for restraint happening in everyone's minds in order to keep us insecure and uncertain?
22nd - 23rd
Notice how the above image is less sharp and pixellated.
Because my hand moved whilst taking a photo.
Why don't you retake the photo?
Because it's possible that it might look better pixellated.
Does it look better pixellated?