Sunday, 10 November 2013

refresher course

Another blog entry with my most recent artwork for you to observe.  It's good for me if you look at this. Observation = validation of existence = sense of purpose = getting out of bed and actually getting something done.

So when I have the vaguest amount your attention I should really be presenting myself properly - I wouldn't want to give the impression that I'm a fallible human being.  Blog's are all about self advertising (this one is anyway) so I should really be swishing in and saying something mysterious.  Telling an exciting story about myself or perhaps not writing anything at all to go with these pictures, just let them speak for themselves, but perhaps they haven't got anything worth saying.  That would be quite unfortunate as that's what art is supposed to do.  Say stuff.

If you want definitions and justifications of ''what it all means'' I've done that quite a lot in previous blog articles.  I've been writing on here for at least three years now.  So you'd think I'd already have that covered. I also sometimes feel that I'm repeating myself a little bit.  But there are so many ways to say the same thing over and over again, very often I'm having conversations with friends where we are just going over the same opinions we did last time.

An interesting thing going on in my life for the past few days is that there's a problem with the drains in the flat I'm living in.  The drains are so full they are starting to leak from the roof into my flat.  I've called the letting agency but they are very slow about getting it done, not being open at the weekend.  So I've taken the situation as well as I can into my own hands.  There's something nice about this.  I've been given a tangible problem to deal with.  My problems are usually ethereal, wishy washy and unsolvable.  It's usually me that is the problem with me.  So it's nice to have something proper to fix or more than likely break.

It's now that I realise how this really doesn't fit in at all with the colourful images that I'm displaying here. I'm not fulfilling the characteristics of the typical self advertising artist blogger. That's the problem with self reflection, you only reflect yourself, and after 32 years I have a pretty good idea what I look like.  I have a love/hate relationship with mirrors, though we are getting on very well at the moment. We are hoping to get married.

I used to hate seeing my reflection.  I remember catching sight of myself in shop windows and not recognizing who it was but the very shape of him and the ambling stupid walk made me think I was looking at some strange vagrant with bad legs and zombie complexion.  There were times when I really took myself by surprise and what made it worse was wondering what other people really thought of that distended and horrifying shape.

It was really a surprise I ever made it out into public.  I must have had such a low level of self awareness to forget what I actually looked like.  Or maybe I was just in such denial as to how hideous I looked.  Perhaps learning that level of self denial is quite a useful tool and can actually be mistaken for self confidence.  I have no issues with my reflection these days, we've long since comes to terms with our issues.  I just started washing my hair and face more, started buying my own clothing too, and after a few years my reflection has really grown to love me.  I can't help but feel that my fiance is a little bit superficial and that our relationship is based entirely on physical appearance.  I've convinced myself.  I'm breaking off our engagement.  I've had enough of that hipster.

So now I'm on my own again.  Apart from Claude the cat and the very slow dripping from the ceiling.  I suppose I should count myself lucky - some people have much less in their lives.  My problems are incredibly middle class.  I very much hope I haven't made anyone reading this feel sympathetic.  You should take your sympathy and give it to one of those homeless people I hear so much about.  I would only spend it on Mochas.