New Years Eve is coming up soon. Not to be a killjoy but I'm not particularly interested in going out. 'Drops of self bring dark to the arcade' is a description of what happens when you combine me with a party or nightclub. Perhaps because my teenage years were quite antisocial somehow I just feel really false and empty when I go out into these sorts of places - simply because I miss all kinds of social cues everyone else is wiser to. I've tried clubs and parties quite extensively but didn't really get into them because, for me, they were a bit rubbish and made me feel like more of an outsider.
Outside what though? And how is the outside and the inside defined and which people are where? Sometimes I have sudden flashes of what is either complete empathy with everyone or complete self projection over everyone everywhere. All of a sudden it appears like everyone in the world feels exactly like I do and is dealing with the same disorientation, dislocation, discontent as I am. That all of a sudden every conscious mind is staring at the same focal point of nothing and feeling total despair. I don't tend to get this feeling much these days think it's stopped due to not going to nightclubs anymore and also not travelling on long bus journeys. I've pointed out the similarities between the two in a previous entry for an image called ''heads multiply in limited tubes of ruin'' which is a description of this possibly shared sensation of being trapped. The above title is also a description of confinement but confinement of a different sort. It's different to a shared experience of being trapped inside a bus or night club and more along the lines of being trapped in life. Being trapped in life is much nicer than being trapped on a bus though - and much more colourful and exciting - but it can make me feel ever so slightly dumb and hazy - almost as if every movement I/we make is done badly and that I/we should be thinking things through before I/we allow it to keep moving but despite my/our entanglement the world keeps moving along regardless of my/our dumbness. The only alternative is death. And death is proper rubbish. So it's better to carry on living and enjoying the bright illogic and just hoping to see as much different types of it as possible before the inevitable.
I've also covered death on this blog before - here it is - think I've probably covered most things that go through my mind a lot - though I've not covered ''9 spokes arrang in the groundless'' because I'm unsure of exactly what that really means....
I can hazard a guess. In the image above there are 9 lines emerging from a central pivot. Although the central pivot can't be seen within the chaotic colours - so the chaotic colours are the groundless and the nine spokes are arranged and organized in this groundlessness.
That was pretty much a description of what the image looks like and what I think it's depicting but as far as I'm aware it's not really meaning anything at all. I could extract or conjour further meaning from this title and the image though i would be inventing it after the production of the image meaning that it wasn't part of the work during the creative process but invented afterwards.
Is that really bad form and should all my art mean something? Does it make me unworthy as an artist? Answers on the back of a postcard.
The image above is something about power but a pure sort of power - along the lines of what God has, or would have. A kind of selfless dominance rather than a silly kinky dominance. Ascendance is the key word in the title to distinguish this as a purer control. Though if anything were truly pure it would likely work against the way the world worked. It would, perhaps sweep the world away on a massive tidying up mission because it likes it's house clean. The above image is sort of like me when I'm getting ready to hoover.
This image began as a piece of notepad paper from a few years ago. I've collaged over the top and coloured over the words I found least interested and allowed the words that stood out to my unconscious to remain. It's like automatic selection - similar to automatic writing except it's words being selected rather than being written. A word/image experiment. The words selected are ''ascension ascending feeling marked out pushing simultaneous whirlpool self audience over ever third every toy''. Read what you will into that. Whatever it means I'm sure it's good.