points conjoin with collective sharpness - a barrier over screamed repetition drowns an outline of brightness

Three more items finish for auction on Sunday evening.  This is becoming something of a habit.  In the new year I hope to post more and more of these images onto Ebay as I have actually been saving up quite a bit of money from them and think that if I make a massive concerted effort then I may be able to get somewhere with it.  Especially if I look into ways to promote my work other than Twitter and Facebook... bit of market research wouldn't go amiss as my business sensibilities are very limited.

sharpness drowns brightnessclick here

The idea is unfeasible and completely far off in the future but if I was to become self employed and fully devoted to living off my artwork then  I would have to get my brain back into gear.  At the moment it feels stuck in reverse and that I'm repeatably crashing my head into the a wall.  In short I feel a bit stupid.  I've never really felt stupid before and I'm sure it's something to do with old age and the horrible job I have at the moment.  I still think things and I'm probably much more capable at making fast decisions and using my initiative... and I still think my work is still getting better and I'm really happy too - but for some reason I feel much stupider.  Perhaps I'm tired and older.

the insect's consciousness spreads aware in a collective hive mind seeing through hundreds of eyes but blinded by coagulated blood cells creating a barrier over everything - although their skulls light up as an outline so significant
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Working full time and practising art is draining and over the years sheer determination has kept me going... I think the problem is that at some point during my determined push I actually dropped some important piece of paper - a note that had my entire mission statement written on it.  A few years ago I had some fairly well defined purpose for doing what I was doing... there was a reason.  But now I've simply become what I do.  I make odd and cerebral abstract collages - so many that I've lost focus on what they actually are... they are like dead bits of skin I pull off myself and put into little plastic bags.  This isn't to say I feel that I produce sub standard work - I never stop working on an image until it's done and until I feel that it's finished (or in the case of a lot of my diary images over the last year - I stop if I simply can't do anything to make it either better or worse - so simply leave it as it is and hope that it encapsulates the mood of that day/week/minute.)

localised focal points conjoin with screamed repetition
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In an attempt to be very generous to myself I often think of my work as a form of church.  Just for me not for anyone else.  I don't think of it as art because art is meant to be saying something - it's more a place.  Somewhere cut off from the outside - all warm and cosy but also full of hidden meanings and subtexts.  It's the church of my head where ego is usually left outside.  Ego comes into the creative process much later when I exhibit my work or in any some other way attempt to integrate it into the real world.

Is it wrong for something as personal, intangible and real to be made into a product or a display?  These can't be simple pictures - they need to be taken in as a whole and extrapolated into some future.  I have plans for my work beyond eBay.  I hope to get all my materials used up over the next year... which will take some time but it will be worth it... and with the many images I've developed using my materials I can create more work.  And so developments will continue.  I don't know what it is going to develop into but for some reason I don't care - as long as I get my solace from the real world.